The Wish of a White Angel
by Kiiroi Senko
Summary: Tomoyo has been living a life filled with nothing but pain, traveling down a path of sorrow and unending misery. This is her story... as she attempts to find the only things she so desperately sought after... hope, friendship, and love.


**Hey there, you guys. I started this fanfic because I went back into a CLANNAD mood recently, and I realized it was impossible for me to let go of this beautiful series. This might sound stupid, but these are characters whose stories and heartaches have moved me to tears on many, many occasions. I must sound overly sentimental, saying things like this about an anime, but so be it. It is how I feel even after watching it for so many times, and I will admit it has even gotten me to reconsider how I viewed certain things.**

**So, because of that… I'm here, and I'm here to write my heart out for the CLANNAD world. This is a little story that I dedicate to Key, Visual Arts, all those involved in CLANNAD's making and development… and most of all, you guys, my fellow CLANNAD fans. I hope you readers all enjoy the story I am about to tell, because I will enjoy writing it as well.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to CLANNAD, Tomoyo After, or any other of Key's works. All rights and reservations on the original storyline go to Key/Visual Art's. All rights to the contents of this fanfiction that are not taken directly from the CLANNAD or Tomoyo After storylines, including the original storyline content and characters not in Key's work, are reserved by Kiiroi Senkō. This fanfiction cannot be hosted on other sites aside from without the express written consent of the author.**

**Author's Note: A quick and heartfelt thank you to PaperCutVictim and Guy Silverberg for taking the time to give me their opinions, critiques, and any comments. Thanks, guys. You two rock.  
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_Prologue: Breaking Point  
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I smiled in amusement as I looked around me. There were several unconscious bodies lying all around, just a few blocks away from the school I attended. It was almost as if delinquents rushed over here today just to have a shot at me. Well… that suited me just fine. Let them come. I would beat them all down, no matter how many times they tried… and no matter how many of them came at me.

I closed my eyes and let out a long breath. For now, at least… it was over. I felt a slight sense of bliss… this felt so much more satisfying than simply sitting at home listening to my parents fight and argue day in and day out…

"So, this really is what you do every chance you get, isn't it?" a very familiar voice called out to me. "Going around fighting…"

My eyes snapped open. I inwardly cursed myself for having let my guard down. I hadn't even heard the person approach. Schooling my face into an expressionless mask, I turned to gaze coldly at the person behind me. The older teen standing at the entrance to the alley was the last person I wanted to see, and his voice was the last voice I really wanted to hear, but everyone and everything seemed determined to make my life as much of a living hell as possible.

He wore the boys' uniform of my school, though the badge on his jacket stated he was in his third year of junior high, one year ahead of me. His long, spiky hair was black, save for a shock of silver over his left eye. In sharp contrast to his dark hair, his vibrant gold eyes pierced through me with their intent gaze, seemingly peering into my soul in a silent inquiry. His school bag was tucked in tight under his right arm, while he held a long, pole-shaped parcel balanced over his left shoulder.

"Oh… it's you…" I said, deadpan. I just wish he'd passed me by without noticing, really. I really didn't want to deal with him at the moment. "Shiramoto Setsuna. What do you want?"

My sempai sighed slightly. "I was just passing by when I noticed you fighting," he replied. "I hope you haven't hurt yourself in another one of your violence-laden episodes."

"Of course not," I replied coldly. "Scum like them… They're hardly even worth the effort." I suddenly chuckled mirthlessly. "I'm actually rather surprised. It's not like you to care, Setsuna."

Setsuna shook his head, sending his black hair swaying. "It's precisely because of that attitude of yours that I'm inclined to bring it up, Sakagami." I saw the deadly seriousness in his eyes, but there was something else underneath – a look of genuine concern that pleaded with me.

"It's really not in my nature to involve myself in the matters of others, I'll admit… but you have to at least hear me out. Please, Sakagami… it's not really my style to beseech, but… it's something that needs to be said," he continued. It was unnerving to see his normally hard, cold eyes shining with such a seemingly out-of-place emotion… and yet, I also found it strangely soothing. The feeling was completely foreign to me, somehow adding to my confusion and discomfort.

I averted my gaze from Setsuna, refusing to meet his eyes. He simply waited, mercifully silent, his golden eyes softly burning their way into me with their quiet gaze. My insides were in turmoil – I had no idea how to react to someone who actually gave a damn about what happened to me. It was unreal… and I was quite glad for it, yet at the same time disgusted at the thought that I was even worth such a thing.

Completely lost, I simply looked down and started walking, my bangs forming a shield between our two gazes. I did not want to meet his eyes – I did not want him to see that I was suffering quietly.

"Are you happy with your life as it is now?" he suddenly said, his voice gentle.

My eyes widened slightly in surprise, but I kept walking, refusing to look him in the eye. He spoke again after I had taken a step past him, much softer than the last, yet carrying icy undertones beneath it. "Are you happy simply letting your anger control you… letting your anger make you run wild?" I froze where I stood, shocked by the tone he now took, and by his sudden insight into my being. "Are you happy… knowing that you're the cause of other people's pain?"

Images of those boys' unconscious bodies flashed through my mind. I felt a few tears sting my eyes, but I held them back. I would not let myself be weak… not in front of him. "Why… yes, of course." I laughed softly to myself, trying to convince myself as much as I was trying to convince him that I believed what I was saying. "As long as I keep going… I can get rid of them all."

"Yes… you'll get rid of them all…" Setsuna replied. "But you will have taken their place." His statement struck me as hard and as painfully as if he'd slapped me in the face. I looked back at him, my eyes wide, and found that he'd turned and faced me, and I had no doubt he could now see the tears I was forcing back.

"I'll offer you a simple piece of advice, Sakagami…" Setsuna said gently. "You can't keep doing this. If you don't stop yourself… one day, you'll end up being the cause of something that can never be undone… and you'll find that you're alone, with no one to turn to. I hope it doesn't come to that."

Having said his peace, Setsuna gave me a final, concerned, pleading look and walked off, leaving me alone with my thoughts. With Setsuna gone, I finally gave in, and let my tears flow. Each drop cut away at my fragile self-control, slowly bringing me closer and closer to despair. At that point, I realized that what Setsuna had said was already true.

I had no one there to comfort me when I needed it. I was alone… with my anger, my pain, my frustration, and my sorrow as my only constant companions.

I did the only thing I could – I sank to the ground, and cried. Indeed… I was alone.

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It had been four months since that day… and, if anything, my life had descended even further into the pits of hell. I continued to let my anger out at anything, and on every opportunity. I would take on delinquents just for the fun of it, and before I knew it… I'd gained quite a bit of infamy among their kind.

'The White Angel', they'd called me. I'd laughed at that nickname when I first heard of it. I still do now. Maybe I'd be worthy of that title in a million years, after I've been judged for every last one of my sins.

Sometimes, I could stop myself before I went too far with the beatings I dished out, but other times… other times, I lost control of myself… and many people paid the price for my weakness. These past few years… were really something I'd rather forget. I completely hated it… and I completely hated myself for having done all these things…

I knew that I was beyond forgiveness and beyond redemption… and that what was happening right now was probably part of my punishment. I had hoped it wasn't true… but it was really happening.

I was currently standing on the bridge over the river that ran through the middle of town, my parents beside me. In front of me… on the other side of the railing… was my brother, Takafumi. He was crying as he stood there, holding on to the railing with one hand.

I was confused… but, more than that… I was scared. I wanted to reach out and stop him… but I was rooted to the spot, my body completely frozen against my will.

"I don't want this to happen… I want us to stay as one family!" Takafumi cried out. His voice, so full of hurt, tore right through me. "And… and… if you can't accept that, then…"

Takafumi let go of the railing and jumped. _He jumped into the river._ "TAKAFUMI!" I heard myself scream as my body finally obeyed my commands and rushed forward. I reached out over the railing, trying in vain to catch his arm…

I missed. I looked on helplessly as he fell into the river, where his body disappeared beneath the rushing waiters. Tears stung my eyes… how could I have been so blind? He only wanted the same thing I did… so why is it that I was so cold and inconsiderate to my little brother?

Why…? Why? Why do I have to be such an idiot?

I banged my fist against the railing as I sank to my knees in tears. Every single negative emotion within me swelled, stabbing fiery pain deep through my heart. This was too much… I hated myself for what I had done… my self-hatred raged through me like an unabated tempest, fueling my pain.

I cried hard, harder than I ever had before. I had never felt so miserable in my life… I had no idea what to do. I was lost… completely lost. I thought that doing this would help me release all my angers and frustrations… I thought that this would release me from my confusion… but I was wrong. No matter how much I fought… nothing changed… It only made me sink ever deeper into my pain… my anger… my sorrow… my despair… I was on the brink of losing myself. No… I'd already lost myself a long time ago, and yet… someone had kept me together…

Takafumi… I never realized he'd been the one to hold me together…

What was I supposed to do now…? What _could_ I do now? Everything is my fault… It's all mine…

That stopped me cold. It was my fault… that Takafumi did what he did… I wasn't strong enough… All my emotions seemingly froze as I realized that everything happened because I never found it in myself to care for my family… to care for _him_, most of all…

I ran away from it all, instead of confronting it… My own weakness is what drove Takafumi to this… it's what drove us all to this… I was the cause of it all. That realization – they seemed to be coming more and more frequently the further I descended into my own private hell – was almost too much for me to bear. It hurt just thinking about it… it hurt enough that my own turmoil seemed like a reprieve. Takafumi was my younger brother… and yet, unknowingly, it was me who hurt him the most.

I felt all my emotions flow through me once more… my pain, sorrow, and self-hatred… And like before, all I could do was cry as they ravaged my battered heart. I cried for the pitiful state I was in… I cried for all my misery… I cried for all my pain… I cried for all my anger towards my parents, the world, my own life… and, most of all… I cried for Takafumi…

For what seemed like an eternity, I simply cried, letting my tears flow in a never-ending stream.

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**Author's Note: Well, this is the first chapter of my brand-new CLANNAD fic. I wrote it for the reasons stated above... and c'mon, CLANNAD _definitely_ needs more love.**

**At any rate, please read and review! I appreciate all comments made!**

**P.S. This story will most certainly contain a TomoyoxTomoya pairing. Shiramoto**** Setsuna is primarily here to help mold the storyline so I'm not stuck simply rewriting all the things that happens within the anime and Visual Novel.**

**For now, this is Kiiroi... signing off.  
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